Sunday, December 02, 2007

How to Get Luigi in Mario 64

This is a very complicated process. However, I have tested it myself and it is 100% reliable. After trying the toilet tactic, I was discouraged. I thought, though, that if the creator of that theory were right about Luigi coming from a shithole, he may be found in the game Banjo Kazooie. Have patience and I, Pilot Power Master Stee- Er, I mean, OSK, guarantee you will find Luigi.
Turn on Banjo Kazooie, and start a file under the name of Nicolas Cage. After the intro video, head directly to the garden with the dancing vegetables. Kill one carrot, then 2 broccoli, then two carrots, and the vegetables will suddenly follow you wherever you go. Next, proceed to run around the mountain Eleventeen thousand times. The vegetables will start to dance with each other. The vegetables will then tell you the location of the secret passage into the witch's lair. The passage will take you to the ice key. Also in the room will be Diddy Kong. He is a good friend of yours, but he is still wearing the belly shirt, so you ignore him. Now, get ready. The moment you touch the ice key, slam the Banjo Tooie cartridge into the N64, obliterating the Banjo Kazooie cartridge. You now have approximately a minute and a half before your N64 explodes, so get to the Ice Vault quickly. Open it, and you will find a hologram of Luigi saying "Help me Banjo Kazooie, you're my only hope.
Now, your N64 has undoubtedly killed someone by now due to the overheating which has occurred from shards of Banjo Kazooie being in its electronics, so buy a new one. Before you take it home, take it to whoever sold you your supscription to "Highlights" magazine, and have them give their blessing. If you do not subscribe to "Highlights", this will not work.
Now you are ready for the final stage. Insert Super Mario 64 into your new, blessed N64 and find 307 and a half coins in Dire, Dire Docks. The ice key will drop out of midair. Take it to the black room of death. You will find it inescapable. Now cry, for you have wasted your time, and finding Luigi only works for those who have lives, which you obviously do not.

Once again, I have tried this and it is absolutely flawless. I give you my word.

-I, Pilot Power Master Steel Crush Heli- Er, OSK

That's not cool, he ripped of the toilet joke. How unoriginal.

6 comments:

Juicy said...

I don't know why but I found that wayy too funny for someone who probably doesn't understand half the references. nice.

you know, The more I learn about video games, the more I realize that the people who made them did a shit load of drugs...I mean really, think of mario land and his friends (not to mention the one that's a mushroom) how trippy is that?

OSK said...

Well, I'd feel like too much of a loser if I posted three times in one day, but I've just discovered some evidence that while probably on drugs, game designers are nonetheless brilliant. Seriously, I'm blown away. Look out for it tomorrow.

gbz said...

Hilarious.

I've heard that you can legitimately unlock luigi and replay it with him.

OSK said...

That's a falseity. Many people have hacked N64 emulators to create fake Luigi videos ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWpfur1yww0 is an example) and Luigi was also playable in Super Mario 64 DS. He has no yet been legitimately found in original 64, and based on my experience with theories, he is not there at all.

gbz said...

Sorry, I meant in Galaxy.

OSK said...

Yes, I've heard you can "rescue" him, whatever that means. Haven't heard about playinga s him though; if that's true I'm excited.

If not I'm still excited.