Tuesday, November 14, 2006

"The E Factor"

I suppose the name is somewhat misleading, seeing that it doesn't necessarily have to be just the letter "e". It can be, and often has been an "ie", "ee", "ey", or even "y" by itself. The point is that all of these combos make a long e sound, a long e sound that has proved itself to be very recurring in my life.
You see, a few weeks back I had a shocking revelation- Every girl that I have ever been attracted to from kindergarten to ninth grade has had a name ending in a long e sound. Every single one. Some people may dismiss this as mere coincidence, but with the running motif of nexus of fate and predermination in our little friend group, I'm inclined to explore the possibility that this is more than mere coincidence, though I'm not about to lay claim to being spawn of God like Juicy does. Perhaps, as J_Vert once suggested to me, I've constructed a self-fulfilling prophecy in that I have effectively destined myself to be attracted to only E girls, but to me this theory seems flawed, as I can only see myself constructing such a prophecy once realizing the pattern, which only happened recently. Is it then possible, that I constructed such a prophecy completely subconsciously?
Truth is, I'm not that slow. Once I realized the presence of the E Factor in my life, I recall realizing it earlier, I believe during winter of last year. Somehow it had slipped my mind since then, and it is frightening to realize that my 2005 year crush was in fact an E girl herself. Now with a full grasp of the E Factor, I fear that such a prophecy truly exists and is unescapable, though recent possible attractions which are "on the table" challenge that claim. Will I be guided by the hand of this twisted fate forever? Will my new subconscious directions for myself cheat me out of possible valuable non-E relationships?

Unbeknownst to many, Bruce Wayne claims to have a natural immunity to indigestion. I just think he's obese.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

It's French...for Dumbass

Yeah, I found it. Days ago. I joked about how I'd find it in my backpack, and guess where it was- yeah. It's almost poetic that the Crapulator's journey began with an act of dumbassity and returned to such a state. I need to go work on my self-esteem.

Speaking Lotza Vulcan
Eyebrows perch and dip like birds
Quoting you, mayhaps

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Missing: One Crapulator

Once upon a time there was a stupid little boy who lost not only his calculator but that of his good friend's. This idiotic little tipo put off the issue of having to recover and/or buy calculators for next school year, not wanting to consider the 150-plus dollars which would inevitably have to leave his (proverbial) wallet (No, JV, you can't get THAT much from the money cup). All summer he tried not to think about it, but without prompt it would suddenly surge at him on dark, sinful nights of adventure and corruption. He feared that the price to pay for those unspeakable sins would not begin to measure up to in any capacity the arm, leg, or other appendage he would need to sacrifice to bounce back from his debt of moronicness.
Finally, and tragically (for more reasons that algebraic disadvantages) summer rolled on out of town, leaving behind it nothing but memories, desires, and a tumbleweed that to this day rolls through town just begging the local burly men for a rendezvous at high noon. Anonymous boy (If anyone has an istrice for a brain, that's me, Sherlock) at long last was forced to face the music.
And by the grace of God (EDIT: higher power??) and my own blessed stupidity, I was saved- A friend lent the other friend a calculator indefinitely, and, as we all know, I bought one off ebay. And I love it with all my heart.
Loved it. That's right, the Crapulator is GONE. I can't seem to locate it, and I'm not sure what to do with myself. If one good thing has come of this, it's that I now have blog post material, and I will keep you posted as the search commences, and continues.


"It's not unreal! It's real, I tell you! I've seen it!"- Stonewall Gutenberg