Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Black Room of Death Chronicles, Episode 1

So begins my nightly installments into this new series. Basically, I've lost the creativity/will to write interesting things about my own life and have to resort to the esoteric, somewhat satirical world of video game mockery. Basically, this is a direct continuation on the How to Get Luigi and Pilot Power Master Steel Crush HeliCyrus RazorClaw Cerebros genre.

Krooper, the young Koopa guard new on the job, paced the length of the room nervously. Even in the dark room, it was hard not to notice the chalky outlines of the bodies in front of him. Bodies squirming in fear, in desperation, wondering if they'll ever see the light of day again. Through his low-quality night-vision goggles he could plainly see the mouth of Princess Peach flapping away, her snobby, girly cries of protest muffled only by the earmuffs he had remembered to bring after the third time they kidnapped Peach. All around Peach, bound to seperate chairs, were variously colored Toads, squirming, but silent. Damn Bowser for insisting he bind Peach "gentler" than the rest.
Krooper was tense. Their interrogation of Peach had yielded the information that Mario was on his way. He wasn't sure how Bowser would take the news. Not to mention Luigi had escaped his captivity in Boo's Mansion with nothing but a fucking vaccuum cleaner. Pursued by guards, he'd fled to the dead-end courtyard, and managed to carve "L is the real 2041" into the fountain. Krooper wasn't going to tell Bowser that, the King would probably kill him for just knowing teh secret.
Refusing surrender, Luigi had been shot and killed on sight, and his corpse was now lying in an ice vault next to Krooper. There was no way the secret of the key would be discovered.

Mario's here. God, why doesn't Bowser just leave the castle with Peach? Great idea, let's just stay here where Mario is. he's only kicked our ass 5 times before...

-OSK

Epic...EPIC

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