"The E Factor"

I suppose the name is somewhat misleading, seeing that it doesn't necessarily have to be just the letter "e". It can be, and often has been an "ie", "ee", "ey", or even "y" by itself. The point is that all of these combos make a long e sound, a long e sound that has proved itself to be very recurring in my life.
You see, a few weeks back I had a shocking revelation- Every girl that I have ever been attracted to from kindergarten to ninth grade has had a name ending in a long e sound. Every single one. Some people may dismiss this as mere coincidence, but with the running motif of nexus of fate and predermination in our little friend group, I'm inclined to explore the possibility that this is more than mere coincidence, though I'm not about to lay claim to being spawn of God like Juicy does. Perhaps, as J_Vert once suggested to me, I've constructed a self-fulfilling prophecy in that I have effectively destined myself to be attracted to only E girls, but to me this theory seems flawed, as I can only see myself constructing such a prophecy once ...I have a radar in my room....There's Fire on the Knoll.... Okay reader, if you had the cleverness to notice the date on this post and actually look through it, I applaud you. As a reward, I will begin to tell you an epic tale: The Saga of The Frank. It begns so:

There were many Franks in many worlds, sometimes two in one world, or three, or four, but generally spread out through the universe, unaware of the effect the other Franks were having on his life. Some were even unaware of the other Franks' existence. Such was the case with The Frank of Unknowing. This Frank, The Frank, was a man in a world not his own, adventuring foolishly off into the Jungle neighboring his Arctic home. Indeed, the Jungle was a foreign land to The Frank, who had lived all his life in networks of caves and ridges on snowy mountains warding off Snow Tigers. Or killing them. A Snow Tiger was a creature which seemed to live to die, time after time it would attack Man, and Man, with its superior intellectuality, would kill the Snow Tiger, flay it, and make it into a nice vest, or maybe even a pair of suspenders, 'cuz Snow Tigers have metal in them too...right... In any case, The Frank longed all his life to venture out of his land and kill a Jungle Tiger, a real Tiger, the kind that make for one hell of a man-purse. Finally, when he came of age he left the Arctic region and went into the Jungle. He set up permanent camp next to a fellow hunter with more experience, The Fred. The Fred had lived in the Jungle for a long time and had never caught a Tiger, though he swore he would someday soon. The Frank thought The Fred was a nice enough guy, though they became only neighbor-friends, you know, the kind that talk over the fence but would never talk about feelings with one another, and certainly not about the Tiger.
Slowly over the next month The Frank's hunting skills increased until he truly belived he had a shot at killing it, but he chickened out because his master Tiger-catching plan made him fear for his life, and for what the Tiger and his relationship would be like if he failed. Then one day The Frank woke up and went outside to mow his lawn, when he saw the Fred sitting out on his front porch, wearing Tiger-skin socks.

The Frank had no idea how much this would affect he and the other Franks in the grand scheme of things.

DON'T SMACK THAT