Sunday, July 26, 2009

Rope-A-Dope. Emphasis on the Dope.

I lied. I didn't leave the room. I briefly wonder why the wizard is just walking around in this chamber. I mean, dude, you can come with me. Power in numbers and whatnot. And you're obviously passionate about the cause. Come to think of it, it's kind of a dick move to take this cause you feel so strongly about and pawn it off on some stranger. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about benevolence. And watches. But don't you think you're kinda taking advantage of my kindly spirit? Pokey, go ahead and add the "pass-off" to that cliche site you like.
I've left the room. I appear to have been in some sort of tower that disappears off the top of the screen. Now I'm in "the woods". Which is to say a clearing. No woods around me have such convenient perimeters and wide-open centers. I investigate the darker-shaded grass. It's just like all the other grass.
I was told to go East, so naturally I advance on the apparent exit to the South. I want to see the extent of the programming of this game, which as I have defensively said already I admire no matter how much I bash it.
HOLY SHIT enemies. I don't have a weapon as far as I know. This is probably the game's way of telling me "Don't go here yet."
I forgot to pause while I typed. I got stabbed to death. Obviously shouldn't go there yet. But I'm pissed off. I'm gonna go where I damn well please.
BlahblahblahDiscoBandits door opens yay. I just accidentally walked into the wiz again and heard him say "We must recover the vinyl pentagram!" I find it funny that anyone should ever say we must do such an absurd thing, so I walk into him several more times. Nope, not getting old. I briefly wonder whether I can possibly rope-a-dope him against the wall to elicit this dialogue repeatedly. I try.
Fuck he got away. I've got to get him into that little niche between the barrels. Motherfucker his movement is so erratic its pissing me off. I will get this. Fuck he was right under it then he walked away. This will be my Penultimate Fantasy (Adventure) Victory lap. Even so, I make him say it one more time. I laugh.
South Again! Superdodge the two natives with spears. Their eyes are red, which makes me wonder if they are the Satanic Disco Bandits. Which would be a bummer, seeing as I always assumed they would be my friends. I go East to find a bee, and then South. More crazy natives. Is this terrain relevant to the gameplay or just here to punish those of us who don't do what the wizard says? Natives kill me. Fuck this.

-OSK

I actually like Dane Cook...mostly.

2 comments:

justifiably_vertical said...

Um...hit 'a' to attack...it's in the read me...

The Juicy One said...

It's true- I did some googling. Quality woods in no way connected to the federal government are hard to find...

PS- epic comeback.