Movie Review: Mamma Mia

Last Sunday, I was faced with an exasperating choice- I could either accompany my jailers on a shopping excursion, stay in my cell, or join a group going to see Mamma Mia, the Broadway musical now transformed into a theatrical movie release. I settled on Mamma Mia simply because of the company, and because shopping makes me want to shoot myself (one of my few pure masculine traits). Needless to say, I was expecting to not enjoy the experience in the least. Being someone who, for the most part is allergic to musical theater and also not particularly liking ABBA (No, I won’t go to the trouble of inserting symbols to make a backwards B. Deal.), I consider it a miracle that I enjoyed myself. Upon arriving at the theater, I was mortified to discover that I was paying $12 for my ticket. Surely this movie couldn’t be worth that. Had I known what I was getting myself into, I would have happily paid $30.
This movie is such a tremendous piece of shit. The acting is absolutely horrendous (Meryl Streep has lost any credibility she ever had. Actually, Amanda Seyfried, whom most of us haven't seen since Mean Girls, was suprisingly the only convincing actress in the movie), the singing is uninteresting, and the plot (this time the fault of the playwright and not the filmmakers) is laughably predictable and uninteresting.
What makes this movie such a phenomenal pleasure is the degree to which all of these flaws permeate the work. For example, there’s bad singing, and then there’s Pierce Brosnan’s singing. Sitting next to the “Sweet Ride” Enterprise shirt kid who played Brosnan’s part in a production of the musical, I was treated to a nitpick of all his singing flaws. No, nitpick is the wrong term. Brosnan attempted to sing so far out of his narrow range that he often sounded like he had a medically-induced speech impediment.
The movie’s other major shtick was the cut-and-paste nature of the songs and their music videos. Everytime anyone burst into song, it seemed to be the most awkward, inappropriate, unconvincing transitions ever conceived. The music videos which accompanied these were priceless, involving simpler choreography than we have in our high school musicals. The videos also constantly had the chorus emerging from the most ridiculous of locations, such as descending from rooftops or emerging from the ocean.
Keep in mind that this is all built around the flimsiest and most downright stupid plot that has hit the box office in a long time. I have never laughed so hard in my life. Ever. One of my companions called it “almost as good as ‘Snakes on a Plane’.” No exaggeration. Keep in mind that if you aren’t willing to experience something truly horrible and even second-hand embarrassing at times, you probably will not like this movie. Personally, it’s my new favorite. You think I’m kidding. I would rather watch this movie than Star Trek II, IV, VIII, Serenity, or anything else. Although I suppose it wouldn’t be the same without the troupe of chums I had who were all audibly mocking the shit out of the movie the entire time. After the movie concluded, a woman behind us came up and shook our hands, thanking us and saying “That was so bad, I wasn’t sure whether to watch the screen or you guys.”

I don’t usually rate in my reviews, but on a scale of 1 star to 5, Mamma Mia gets an “I want my penis in it.”

-OSK

I’m bored, I think I’m going to go straighten my hair.