Disproportionally Large Hands

I really don’t understand how Bowser makes friends with so many bosses. I mean, a giant evil mole? Did Bowser really

“FUCK ME SIDEWAYS”

Sorry about that. Anyways, did Bowser kidnap this mole’s cake-offering girlfriend and tell him to guard the star with his life? Or perhaps he uses his gravity-changing powers to brainwash them. Yeah, that makes sense.
The question has been raised as to if Peach and Bowser really ever did it. If so, it would give whole new meaning to the Goomba Guy saying “Giant dinosaur dick” as an exclamation of rage (probably at a Goomba). Also, how did Bowser get to command his Koopa army? He’s so stupid and such a dick that I doubt anyone would actually support his rise to power. Unless of course he is the heir to the throne (the king’s dog inherits the crown?) Or perhaps he won the hearts of the people through military victories. I mean, he does have the smarts to work out a plan which nearly destroys Mushroom Kingdom and kidnaps the princess by pulling her castle into space. But for being that smart, he can’t seem to figure out not to pound on the lava orb platform even after he’s been hurt twice.
The idea has also been brought up to try to use a different villain than Bowser in a Mario game. Our suspicions are yet to be confirmed or denied that Wizpig is the true Galaxy villain, but thus far Bowser has gotten to do all the fun stuff. Being a strong advocate that Nintendo should make two Mario adventures for the Wii (the first time since the SNES), and I think it could be cool to include a different villain in Galaxy’s sequel, as is the pattern with Zelda (based solely on the example of Majora’s).
The question then, is who the villain would be. The Big Boo was done in Luigi’s Mansion (I want another Luigi game too, by the way, just way better than Mansion). King Bob-omb, maybe? Boldergeist? No. Get back to you on that.
By the way, Boldergeist daredevil is apparently a bitch. Hopefully it’s my turn soon. I have faith.

-OSK

Guns don’t kill Koopas, Mario kills Koopas.